For The Record - Mary Jo is Crazy

I feel I have to address Mary Jo.  

It's no secret that she and I are estranged.  It's no secret our relationship has always been strained. My whole life, when I didn't do what she wanted I was punished. Sure, it's normal as a child to be punished for such things. But as I grew, her punishments changed.  Recently her childish behavior and punishment has turned into an all time low.  Losing a family member is hard. Not being involved or made aware of it - low balling and unforgivable.  Mary Jo will never be forgiven for what she's done. She not only hurt me, but my children. And for that, she can go to hell. 

I'm not sure what Mary Jo tells everyone regarding my absence, but I'm sure it's less than flattering. So, I will take this opportunity to tell you myself.

Almost four years ago I wrote a letter to my family, brothers included. And if you know me, my family or Mary Jo - you know things are always tense, forced and weird.  James encouraged me to write the letter after seeing how Mary Jo effected me, but also treated others. In the letter, I confronted issues with Mary Jo, things that happened in my childhood, issues with food and my adoption and seeing the same dysfunction headed towards my daughters. It was me putting my foot down and at the same time a last cry for help and answers. She's always denied my cry for helps with eating disorders. My doctor as a teenager knew I was anorexic/bulimic. She lived in denial. And now, here I am almost 40 with horrible teeth, weak bones, rotten insides and arthritis and thinning hair.  I don't know why I never loved myself. I wished I could overcome her gaze. But you don't tell a kid that their 'real' mother's going to come get them because you told a fib.  You don't allow sick deviant behavior to go unnoticed in your own home, under your nose. She did. 


I firmly believe that my dad was not privy to all or any or most of this information. I still think to this day, he doesn't know all the information.

Mary Jo was asked repeatedly in the past to not allow her drug addicted son around my children.  But she did.  I asked her to not contact my daughters' father regarding visitation if she had planned something on one of his weekend.  But she did.  In fact, he asked me to tell her to not contact him anymore.

How did she respond? Damage control, of course.  She went to the brothers and their wives telling them I was crazy and she had no idea where I was getting all 'this' from.  Did she ever once call me? Or even email me? Did she ever take responsibility for ONE thing in that letter? Even ONE?  No.  In fact, I've not spoken to her since then. Nor have I seen her. Not once.  She hasn't asked to see my children, called to speak to them. Not once. I did say in the letter, that I would rather my children not be around the dysfunction which included protecting them.  But ignoring my children? How does a grandmother do that? Even before I wrote the letter, Mary Jo started to leave my daughters out of little trips and vacations that she took other grandchildren to.  It's sad really.  For some reason she thinks that by ignoring my daughters, she's punishing me. But she really hurt my kids.  


When James and I were first married, she never really seemed happy for me.  She was openly rude (embarrassingly so) to my step children and my in-laws.  The first Christmas I spent as Mrs. Moody was spent with my husband's family, which Mary Jo knew about. But still, she felt the need to completely ignore my step children with no gifts when we all came by after Christmas Day.  She didn't even acknowledge them.  


So, the past 3 plus years have been calm. Mary Jo free.  I could make plans for my family that didn't run by someone else's clock.  I didn't have to pretend.  I didn't have to paint a smile on my face for anyone. I didn't have to wonder if I dropped my daughters off, was their drug addict/thief uncle going to be there.  And it's been wonderful.  


All the while, I sent my father cards and photos of my children and to my grandparents as well.  Why? Because I love them. Why not to Mary Jo? Because I didn't want to, need to or care to.  Right before Mother's Day 2010 I got a letter from my father. I was excited to see his handwriting.  That is, until I read it.  


In short, it said that since I can't send any cards to his wife, don't send any at all.  Because I must be trying to hurt her. Oh, and that it's lousy I've turned my daughters against all of them.  Ok.  You win.  Done.  I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.  When I didn't send cards addressed to her, it must have been because I was trying to hurt her. Right?  I'm not sure how to get the message across to her but, nothing I do is remotely close to trying to hurt her.  Hell, it's with no thought about her period.  And for the record, I've never turned my daughters against anyone. They're smart girls. They figured it out on their own. The only person they haven't missed in all this...is Mary Jo. Go figure. 


Then, after getting back from a weekend of camping, I get an email that my grandfather is in the hospital.  Am I ever called by any member of my immediate family? No.  In fact when my brother did contact me, he was told to stop talking to me.  


My grandfather died September 11th. Died.  Sad.  So sad that Mary Jo can't see past her own issues to be human (which I understand is practically impossible) and let me know anything.  This is her way of punishing me. And it works.  This hurt. And surprised even me that she could be that low. I heard it was said that I 'better not show my face' at the hospital. Thank you for that. I will try to return the favor. 


During this time, I had  a sister in law as a 'friend' on Facebook. That is me - being nice - allowing a window into my children's lives.  Giving everyone on that side to see them grow up.  But I say something regarding Mary Jo, because #1 it's my right and #2 it's true, and the shit hits the fan.  How dare I say anything about her. She's a saint. Right? I mean, that's what she wants everyone to see.  But I know better, and when you go out of your way to tell people to NOT tell me my grandfather is dying - then you can go fuck yourself. And I said as much.  It was said that I wrote something to the effect of 'rotting meat'...and as good as that is I never said it.  But I'll keep it for future reference. I know who showed my dad those posts, and it's ok. But you just lost the privilege of seeing my kids now.  Don't take something that's given to you as a gift and turn it into something to use to get brownie points. 


I sent my husband with my oldest daughter to attend the funeral. I was willing to go, even stay in the parking lot. Just to be there to show my respect. I didn't want my grandfather's funeral to be about petty drama. I have more respect. I guess I am the only one. I hoped...with all my might...that the only report I would get would be that it was a nice service and how my daughter got to see everyone.  But no. It couldn't be that simple.  Instead Mary Jo cried to my daughter that she loves and misses me.  Yeah right. Even my kid saw through that act. If she really did...pick up a damn phone, send snail mail...  But no.  


Then my oldest brother attempted to convince my husband that I'm' a liar.  That what happened in my childhood didn't happen and I was wrong.  Really? After my grandfather is barely in the ground? Not the best thing to do.  Very small and childish, like my brother. I was victimized as a child, and here he was trying to do it again.  Pathetic.


I've not been in hiding.  My phone number hasn't changed, nor my email.  But they act like I'm in the witness protection program.  They use my grandfather's FUNERAL to air this drama! They practically corner my husband. I had really hoped that for my daughters' sake she would not have to deal with this drama at her great grandfather's funeral. 


Mary Jo can bullshit everyone else, but not me. Not anymore. 


And honestly, I hoped that I was done with her.  I really hoped that would be it.  But no.  I got a call from my kids' step mother with news Mary Jo wrote my kids father for help seeing my children. Really?  My father was told to his face that if they could not contact me...at least call my husband to arrange something with my kids. There it was. Right in front of their faces. This is me...still giving them a chance with at least my children. How easy is it to just take it? Yet, she still contacted my ex and begged for help seeing my daughters.  My ex-husband has no interest in 'helping' her. He knows it's not his place. 

So..round two of letter writing.  This time addressed to my oldest brother, my father and Mary Jo.  


Her response? Nothing again. That is how Mary Jo handles her family. It's her way or no way.  I'm more than happy to tell anyone what's going on. See, I have nothing to lose.  I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to lie about.  I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm here to stop hurting myself and punishing myself.  Telling my brother I know he's a liar and a sicko and I remember everything.  Telling Mary Jo she's a life ruiner and a liar and a manipulative witch.  Letting my dad know that I love him and feel nothing but sorry for him.  It's sad how one person can do what she's done to her family. 


Yet, she's doing it again.  Hurting me the only possible way she knows how.  My grandmother is ill, in and out of the hospital. But does she tell me? Nope. And guess what, the one that is telling me got the evil eye. 

I'm over it all.  I have to be.  I'm not sad for the loss of a mother, because honestly I've never found my mother.  The lady who raised me, well I never lived up to her expectations.  Never thin enough. Never pretty enough. Whatever. 


Anything I know about my birth mother, I know from finding out on my own. It would be very easy for Mary Jo to tell me who and why and every other question I have about my adoption. But she won't.  She's too insecure as a mother to even give me that. It's more fun to her to keep the secrets than to give me the truth.


Money, my Aunt Rosemary, is also passed.  She didn't tell me about that either. I loved Rosemary. She was more like a mother to me. We were so similar and she told me I would have been a great daughter to her.  Mary Jo was jealous of that.  Mary Jo continues to push people away. And one day there won't be anyone there. I hope at least for her sake there will be someone there when she's old and dying. Because if left to me, Mommy Dearest won't have nothing on me.