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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Advice From Somewhere....

.....and edited by your's truly.

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. (unless they're assholes)
TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. (...depends on who's wearing the hearing aid.)
THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (WTF?)
FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it. (...or use it when you want something)
FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.(...not at my boobs)
SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.(...or 10 days....like me....whatevs)
SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.(...but be old enough to tell the difference between lust and love)
EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.(...you can laugh at other people's dreams when you're repeating them to someone else...)
NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. (no joke here. Do this.)
TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling. (...I live by this rule. Never say anything catty you'll have to take back later.)
ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.(...ga'head.  It's fun. Judge away, we're human. Get over it)
TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.(....or not. I can't talk slowly...so there,)
THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"(...or just say "I don't know".  Idiots)
FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.(...and great sex may involve a shot and some antibiotics)
FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.(...just make sure they covered their damn mouth.)
SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.(...yeah...don't be an asshole sore loser)
SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's:       Respect for self;       Respect for others;       Responsibility for all your actions.(...and rippin' one downwind.)
EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.(....that's stupid drama. Grow up)
NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.(....instead of blaming everyone around you or everything. Own up. Can't say this enough)
TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.(...don't be gay. Answer your damn phone, I don't give a shit if you're smiling or not)
TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.(...I cannot stress this enough!)



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