It was immanent.
I am now both feet on the down side of the forties.
This morning I turned forty one.
I remember my parents in their forties. They were dorks. Super adult. No silliness. All business. Perfect hair. Didn't walk around in PJs all day for no reason at all. Always serious.
That's not me. If the day calls for it, I'm in my jammies all day. I go free-boobing all day. Possibly no make up. I crack up at my kids farts. I'm loud all the time. I make fun of people behind their backs. I don't care if I make a fool of myself.
Then there are those times I can't figure out the remote. Or I have no idea what band my kids are going goo goo over. I have even used the term "you young people". And I get sad. A little piece of me breaks off, lost forever. When did I get old?
I was born forty one years ago today. I shot out of some strangers nether regions in a small town outside of Dallas, Tx. Then I was sold to the circus at two days old. Ok, ok. Not really the circus - but it might as well been. I was raised in a dysfunctional family wrought with abuse on many levels and with blurred lines of what is right and wrong. It seemed that it was OK as long as the mother person said so.
It's been a hell of a ride. Good and bad. When it was good, it was really good. When it was bad, it was fucking horrible. But instead of dwelling on all that shit, I will say THANK YOU.
Thank you to all my friends and loved ones who are here with me today. I love all of you. I may not see you as much as I want. But never fear - I love you and I'm glad I have you in my life.
With that mushy bullshit out of the way - I've gone blonde this week. I'm getting a new tattoo today. I'm walking into 41 with hallucinatory delusion.