As I've entered my fortieth year of life on this planet, age is sinking in. I'm at a point in my life where I can look back, it takes a little more mind power to do so. 17, 21, 25, 30...they're all just memories now. Youth is a memory to me now. And I hate it. I've watched wrinkles grow, gray hair intrude and aches and pains creep in. All the what if's in life are gone. If I didn't do it when I had the chance, it ain't gonna happen. But I accept me - wrinkles and all - for who I am. Who I've grown into.
I've gone through a lot to be here. I've put with a lot of bullshit along the way. I'm not where I wanted to be in life, but that's life and we deal with it. There's so much more I wanted to give my children, but nothing makes the love we have for each other any less. Life ain't perfect, and neither am I.
I've said goodbye to my waistline and to stiletto high heels. I'm suited now with sandles and capris. The latest I stay up on a week night is maybe 10pm, when years ago that would be when I was going out when I didn't have my children with me. I've been known to go out and come home, change clothes and head out to work without any sleep. There's no way I could do that now.
Another thing I've said goodbye to - is the chance of ever having another child. This has been the hardest thing for me to swallow. All I've ever wanted to do in life is raise a house full of children. All mine. Being adopted, it came naturally for me want to see little images of me. I got to have two. I was blessed with two. Wouldn't trade them for the world. I just wanted more.
I will, forever, thank the radioactive penis of my ex-husband for breaking my baby maker. It wasn't until the discovery of all ( or most ) of his infidelities and a visit to the OBGYN and subsequent surgeries that I was told it would be virtually impossible for me to carry a baby to term. So, I sat and pity partied myself. Broken. The years that followed were wrought with miscarriages dotted here and there. With each one, more sadness crept in. The anger followed and was hard to wrangle.
How dare something like this happen to me! No one asked if I was done having babies. It's not fair! For someone to take away something so personal to me has been one of the hardest things to get over. It's my body, after all.
I had a miscarriage in January of 2009. Not planning a baby, and having a husband who doesn't want anymore, it was a shock to find out I was pregnant. But within two days of taking the test, I lost the baby.
The older I get, the more it solidifies that I will never become a new mother again. I use the term 'womb ache' when I see a baby. For my womb honestly truly does ache. I'm filled with broken bits - a broken ovary and a broken cervix that's been hacked into twice by doctors.
Now, before anyone gets their panties in a wad with the "Why don't you adopt?!" or "Be thankful for what you have!" I'll just start by saying - shut up. I deserve some whine room...and I'll take it, thank you.
My life, ramblings, recipes, rants
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
'It Was Nothing You Did"
Just a little sounding off. This is my blog and I reserve the right to sound off accordingly. Today I shall be sounding off about the mister and his passive aggressive ways. He doesn't think he does...but he does.
About a week ago, I borrowed the swagger wagon - AKA the MiniVan - to fetch my oldest from camp with my youngest in tow. I'll try not to stress the fact that I still don't understand why he drives a minivan and I drive a Honda while I'm the one with kids in tow - all the time. But I digress. On the way back home, we ran into a terrible rainstorm.
All the cars on the highway slowed down to roughly 15 MPH as sheets of rain made it impossible to see two feet in front. My youngest (who hates storms) was rapidly growing upset while I drove and tried to calm her. Slowly we crept until we were out of the storm, roughly 5 minutes. Then we stopped for sushi and came home.
The next day when we swapped cars back, the mister calls and asks if I had driven through a flood. I reminded him we ran into a horrible rain storm, but no, I didn't drive through a flood. It's been about a week and I've gotten several calls from him...always with a 'I'm sure it's nothing you did' tagline.
I know I didn't 'do' anything. I drove the damn minivan through some damn rain. But because I gave it back and apparently it's making a noise...no matter how bad he wants to blame me...he won't. Passive aggressive. LOL
He called again today, said he spoke with his father. "It was nothing you did, it's the (fillintheblankwithacarterm)." To which I replied, "I KNOW it's nothing I did. I didn't do anything!" lmao
Oh mister. Just like when the internet cuts out at the house and you inhale and exhale while looking at the child on the laptop cursing her in your mind....(ATT SUCKS)...stop it! Shit happens. It's sometimes NO ONE'S fault. Just shit.
About a week ago, I borrowed the swagger wagon - AKA the MiniVan - to fetch my oldest from camp with my youngest in tow. I'll try not to stress the fact that I still don't understand why he drives a minivan and I drive a Honda while I'm the one with kids in tow - all the time. But I digress. On the way back home, we ran into a terrible rainstorm.
All the cars on the highway slowed down to roughly 15 MPH as sheets of rain made it impossible to see two feet in front. My youngest (who hates storms) was rapidly growing upset while I drove and tried to calm her. Slowly we crept until we were out of the storm, roughly 5 minutes. Then we stopped for sushi and came home.
The next day when we swapped cars back, the mister calls and asks if I had driven through a flood. I reminded him we ran into a horrible rain storm, but no, I didn't drive through a flood. It's been about a week and I've gotten several calls from him...always with a 'I'm sure it's nothing you did' tagline.
I know I didn't 'do' anything. I drove the damn minivan through some damn rain. But because I gave it back and apparently it's making a noise...no matter how bad he wants to blame me...he won't. Passive aggressive. LOL
He called again today, said he spoke with his father. "It was nothing you did, it's the (fillintheblankwithacarterm)." To which I replied, "I KNOW it's nothing I did. I didn't do anything!" lmao
Oh mister. Just like when the internet cuts out at the house and you inhale and exhale while looking at the child on the laptop cursing her in your mind....(ATT SUCKS)...stop it! Shit happens. It's sometimes NO ONE'S fault. Just shit.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sushi Choo Choo
I love sushi. Duh. My kids do too....and the mister. We're a sushi loving family. Did I say sushi enough?
Our regular spots are Ichibon, Fukuda, Wazabi and we've added another. Sushi Choo Choo - a Kaiten (conveyor belt) sushi restaurant
Every Summer (third year in a row) when we take my oldest daughter to choir camp, about 20 miles from the house (Near Lake Houston) on our way home we stop for sushi. Wazabi is one, but Sushi Choo Choo is great and the kids love it! It's a movable track with sushi plates for the picking.
Plates are priced according to the color ring -
Yellow - $1.50
Blue - $2.00
Green - $2.50
Pink - $3.00
Purple - $3.50
Orange - $4.00
The plates go by you and you pick up what you want. Then stack your plates to the side and they get tallied up at the end of the meal!
The sushi is freshly made at the back of the restaurant and you can watch as the sushi chef's replace the plates of sushi taken with fresh plates. You can also order off a menu if you want.
Sushi Choo Choo Hours:
Monday-Thursday: 11 a.m. -10 p.m.
Friday-Saturday: 11 a.m. -10:30 p.m.
Sunday: noon-9 p.m. Price $4.00
Parking: Self parking
Smoking allowed: No
Meals served: Lunch, Dinner Alcohol: Beer, Wine, Liquor
Our regular spots are Ichibon, Fukuda, Wazabi and we've added another. Sushi Choo Choo - a Kaiten (conveyor belt) sushi restaurant
Sushi Choo Choo
I - 12149 FM 1960 W. #M, Houston, TX 77065 Tel: 281-955-2888
Every Summer (third year in a row) when we take my oldest daughter to choir camp, about 20 miles from the house (Near Lake Houston) on our way home we stop for sushi. Wazabi is one, but Sushi Choo Choo is great and the kids love it! It's a movable track with sushi plates for the picking.
Plates are priced according to the color ring -
Yellow - $1.50
Blue - $2.00
Green - $2.50
Pink - $3.00
Purple - $3.50
Orange - $4.00
The plates go by you and you pick up what you want. Then stack your plates to the side and they get tallied up at the end of the meal!
The sushi is freshly made at the back of the restaurant and you can watch as the sushi chef's replace the plates of sushi taken with fresh plates. You can also order off a menu if you want.
Sushi Choo Choo Hours:
Monday-Thursday: 11 a.m. -10 p.m.
Friday-Saturday: 11 a.m. -10:30 p.m.
Sunday: noon-9 p.m. Price $4.00
Parking: Self parking
Smoking allowed: No
Meals served: Lunch, Dinner Alcohol: Beer, Wine, Liquor
DSLR Withdrawal
My Canon Rebel is sick. And has been for over a week now. It has Prongitis. Technically a pin got bent while inserting the memory card. Great.
I did some research and found that this is fairly common in Canon Rebels...and I also felt grateful that I used my Rebel more than once before it happened. But that doesn't take away the fact that I'm jonesing at the moment for my Rebel.
Being without my Canon Rebel has been like living without an appendage for me. I carry it everywhere I go. Everywhere. It's always with me. My 14 year old even loves to shoot with it. She's become quite the little photographer. She's learned how to use the timer and how to edit photos online and in Photoshop. I'm so proud.
I know she's going through withdrawal as well. So this weekend, it's getting taken to the camera doctor for removal and replacement of the pin card. It better be a fast surgery. Relying on my Canon PowerShot is not filling my craving.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful I have a back up camera. But come on...there's NO comparison! There's not manual zoomage and just holding the PowerShot makes me feel like a weakling. My Canon Rebel gives me power baby!
Wow....I hope it gets fixed pronto. I'm losing it.
I did some research and found that this is fairly common in Canon Rebels...and I also felt grateful that I used my Rebel more than once before it happened. But that doesn't take away the fact that I'm jonesing at the moment for my Rebel.
Being without my Canon Rebel has been like living without an appendage for me. I carry it everywhere I go. Everywhere. It's always with me. My 14 year old even loves to shoot with it. She's become quite the little photographer. She's learned how to use the timer and how to edit photos online and in Photoshop. I'm so proud.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful I have a back up camera. But come on...there's NO comparison! There's not manual zoomage and just holding the PowerShot makes me feel like a weakling. My Canon Rebel gives me power baby!
Wow....I hope it gets fixed pronto. I'm losing it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Easy Peasy Ashtray
Soda Can Ashtray
White Trash Monday is here...and here's an easy craft to make yourself and wow your guests as they put out their butts.
Actually, you can make this out of any can...soda, beer, juice. I made some out of my husband's beer cans to keep outside when we have people over. Most of our friends smoke and having one big ashtray in the middle of the table that everyone is trying to get to tends to be annoying.
So here's the project :
You will need :
A pair of scissors
A can
A hammer
1 - Cut the top off the can. Roughly an inch from the top. No need to worry if it's not perfectly even. Take caution, these cans can cut you if you aren't being careful!
2. Cut about 1 inch strips down the can. This needs to be a little more precise because you want it to look even.
3. Flatten out the strips you just cut.
4. Now comes the crafty part. Fold your first strip over at an angle.
5. Then tuck it under it's neighbor.
6. Continue to do this all around the can.
7. Turn it upside down and flatten the strips.
8. Now take the hammer and pound a curve in the middle for putting out your butts.
And There You Have It!!
** If you have any 'tails' from the strips hanging out.....just cut them off!
White Trash Monday is here...and here's an easy craft to make yourself and wow your guests as they put out their butts.
Actually, you can make this out of any can...soda, beer, juice. I made some out of my husband's beer cans to keep outside when we have people over. Most of our friends smoke and having one big ashtray in the middle of the table that everyone is trying to get to tends to be annoying.
So here's the project :
You will need :
A pair of scissors
A can
A hammer
1 - Cut the top off the can. Roughly an inch from the top. No need to worry if it's not perfectly even. Take caution, these cans can cut you if you aren't being careful!
2. Cut about 1 inch strips down the can. This needs to be a little more precise because you want it to look even.
3. Flatten out the strips you just cut.
4. Now comes the crafty part. Fold your first strip over at an angle.
5. Then tuck it under it's neighbor.
6. Continue to do this all around the can.
7. Turn it upside down and flatten the strips.
8. Now take the hammer and pound a curve in the middle for putting out your butts.
And There You Have It!!
** If you have any 'tails' from the strips hanging out.....just cut them off!
Hot Weekend - Summer Can Suck It!
When I was a kid - I loved Summer.
It meant long weekends or weeks at our bayhouse in Bolivar. Trips to the beach. Fishin'. Snow cones. Swimming in our backyard pool.
I loved it.
Now? Summer can suck it!
Since I've had my children, I've grown allergic to the Sun. Yup. You read that correctly. ALLERGIC to the Sun. I break out in hives when I am in the Sun for more than 20 minutes at a time. Sunscreen does no good.
I can't stand the damn heat and humidity...I need a shower just walking from a building to my car! By the end of the day, my TO DO LIST has not been done due to sheer exhaustion from the heat! I had laundry to fold and wash yesterday - didn't get done. I was 'too hot' to do it. Too hot to do laundry! That sounds pathetic!
Our bayhouse is now toast - Thanks Hurricane Ike. We have no pool in our backyard - Thanks wallet for being so shallow. I hate the beach and the heat. I daydream about cooler weather. The smells of the baking and the crisp in the air. The warmth of the fireplace and it's glow.
But until then - I will bitch and moan about our effing hot Summer!
This weekend I made cupcakes for the kids to decorate, made pizza for a slumber party night, and complained so much even I'm tired of hearing it. We teased the dog with cheetos...And bitched at our cat because of her Litter Paw Prints everywhere in the house.....even though it's my fault for trying to skimp on cat litter.
It meant long weekends or weeks at our bayhouse in Bolivar. Trips to the beach. Fishin'. Snow cones. Swimming in our backyard pool.
I loved it.
Now? Summer can suck it!
Since I've had my children, I've grown allergic to the Sun. Yup. You read that correctly. ALLERGIC to the Sun. I break out in hives when I am in the Sun for more than 20 minutes at a time. Sunscreen does no good.
I can't stand the damn heat and humidity...I need a shower just walking from a building to my car! By the end of the day, my TO DO LIST has not been done due to sheer exhaustion from the heat! I had laundry to fold and wash yesterday - didn't get done. I was 'too hot' to do it. Too hot to do laundry! That sounds pathetic!
Our bayhouse is now toast - Thanks Hurricane Ike. We have no pool in our backyard - Thanks wallet for being so shallow. I hate the beach and the heat. I daydream about cooler weather. The smells of the baking and the crisp in the air. The warmth of the fireplace and it's glow.
But until then - I will bitch and moan about our effing hot Summer!
This weekend I made cupcakes for the kids to decorate, made pizza for a slumber party night, and complained so much even I'm tired of hearing it. We teased the dog with cheetos...And bitched at our cat because of her Litter Paw Prints everywhere in the house.....even though it's my fault for trying to skimp on cat litter.
And had a few drinks....
Pussy Lady Lightweight Drinks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)