Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Always Do A Background Check!

Always. I cannot stress that enough.

In this day, we have so much information literally at our fingertips. When the story of Kristy Gaffney broke, I was floored.  Flabbergasted. I even found it hard to feel sorry for this woman.

Kristy Gaffney met a man on an online dating services. They met and started to date.  She then got pregnant, and he now has her baby while an appeal waits to go through, he's planning on adopting her baby with his wife.

Take a moment, I know that was a mouthful up there.  So let's take this step by step, shall we?  Firstly, Kristy meets a man online.  It's not rare, in fact more than 20% of Americans admit to dating or meeting online. There are tons of avenues to do so - Facebook, dating sites, chat rooms, etc. Online dating has become almost the 'norm' to singles trying to meet other singles. But with online dating comes real life deception.  If a woman has no inclination to check out a man she met online, she's walking into the lion's den blindfolded.

She met a man who said he was a Dupont and worked for the CIA.  Kristy says, 'Ed' told her and her whole family stories of living in castles and trips and wealth, convincing all of them he was who he said he was. And they believed him.  I still cannot believe not one person thought to do a background check.  It's a requirement, in my mind, to check someone new out, especially when they are in a personal level with a friend or family member.  'Ed' told Kristy he was divorced and that his ex wife couldn't ever have children.

After 6 months of dating, Kristy became pregnant.  When she gave birth, she said, 'Ed Dupont' had her sign some papers. She said he told her they were paternity papers, naming him the father of the baby girl.  But they were, in fact, adoption papers.  She never read what she was signing, if she had she would have seen the words 'adoption', 'adoptee' etc on the document.

When the baby was about 2 months old, 'Ed' left with the baby and did not return. Kristy panicked and when she finally saw 'Ed' face to face, she was told the truth. He was married, his name is Emmitt Dippold and he was keeping the baby.  They both have lawyered up and it is in an appeal phase at the moment. Dippold and his wife still have the baby, Kristy sees her every other weekend.  An adoption judge will not hear the case until the other judge deals with the appeal.

Now, I am finding it very hard to feel bad for this woman.  There are sites like Spokeo and Public Data in which you can find information, address, telephone number and spouses of people. The fact that she never even saw anything with his real name on it astounds me. And blindly signing ANYTHING with regards to your child without reading it is just plain ignorant. It's sad that there is a baby in the middle of this, it's sad that the wife of this Dippold can't have children.  It's really pathetic that a man knowingly went into a false relationship with the intent of having a child to sneakily adopt for he and his wife.  But it's irresponsible for a grown woman to sit and take for the God's honest truth every single thing a man she has known for a few months and get herself into this mess.

Background check, people! It's not hard, mostly it is free and it will save you a LOT in the long run with regards to business or personal situations.


Leigh said...

I am a highly educated woman and I was duped for 6 years by a man whose entire life was based on fraudulent activity - and he was very good at hiding things (even his family was in on the deception).

It's easy to be smug, point your finger at someone else, and say that they should have done things differently unless you have been in a similar situation. Unfortunately, it is usually women who are trusting and believe the best of other people who fall prey to these types of men. I do have compassion for this woman.

I don't know anything about you and this is the first time I've seen your blog, but don't fool yourself - this could happen to you if you end up in a custody battle involving your own children at some point. Different situation, same results.

Regardless of how this particular situation arose, in the end this woman only gets to see her daughter every second weekend, which is a real possibility for any woman with children who finds herself in a custody battle. The law can swing either way in a courtroom. You really never know.

So, even IF you did a background check on your own husband, it doesn't mean that he won't turn into a your worst nightmare if you someday end up in divorce court. Hopefully that doesn't happen, but if it does I hope that someone has compassion for you, because you'll need it.

Look at your own children and ask if there is anything in this world that you could do that would make it alright for someone to take them away from you, or you from them.

MommieDawn said...

Dear Leigh,

I apologize that you were duped for six years. I'll again state, for the record, I find it hard to fell sorry for someone like this.

In this day and age, the information at our fingertips is endless. There are free sites and pay sites for doing background checks on individuals. With just a few pieces of information, I can find marriage, death, birth and marriage records, addresses, phone numbers, employers, TABC records, business records, driver's license, tax records, property records, arrest records and more.

I also apologize that you take me for smug. It's not being smug. That's just a sad misconception. As far as pointing my finger, yes I am doing that because there is an article for me to do so. We're human, when we see something done that is something we cannot fathom...we point.

You do not know me, if you did you would know exactly why I am the way I am. You would know how easy it is for me to check up on anyone that I am involved with or involved with my children. See, I've DONE this. Whether it's a friend of my child or a parent of a friend, I've background checked.

I will correct you and tell you this, signing over my children to ANYONE would and will never happen to me. How do I know this? Because there is not a reason in the world I would have to sign a piece of paper concerning my child while in the hospital bed after giving birth unless I was dying.

In the end, this woman did not stop and think to READ a piece of paper concerning her CHILD. That is ignorance. Plain and simple. There has never been another human that has come before my children. Ever. I don't care if it was a parent of mine or a spouse of mine. It doesn't happen.

Doing a background check on my husband has nothing to do with him being my worst nightmare. People change and evolve, becoming someone's worst nightmare can take many forms. That wasn't a good example. But yes, I did a background check on my husband. I know about every legal move, misdemeanor, marriage, divorce, property purchase, address, job and school he was involved in or with. None of that can change him becoming my worst nightmare. But it can insure that there aren't any skeletons in the closet that will pop out and take my children.

I'll finish with this : Since you don't know me, you can't know to never involve my children. But I'll humor you for a second. If a man took my children because I signed a legal piece of paper that said he could, I'd have no one to blame but myself for not taking the time to READ.

Thank you for visiting my blog and for your input.