Monday, October 22, 2012

It Was A Poo-nami

Well, we had our first major crisis since moving into the new house.

A poo-nami.

A poop-nado.

Let me back up a little.  We have 2 and a half bathrooms in the house. The two full baths are upstairs, the master and my daughter's. Downstairs is the half bath, under the stairs.  It's nice and roomy with a dual flush toilet. I mention the toilet, because it's the source of the poo-nami and it's not like a toilet we've ever had.

*ahem* In my best man commercial voice...."Dual flush toilets handle solid and liquid waste differently from standard American style toilets, giving the user a choice of flushes. It's an interactive toilet design that helps conserve water."

I had no idea what the buttons on top of the toilet did, other than flush. Unlike the photo above, ours has no illustrations....just buttons. Now, I don't know if what happened is a result of not using the correct buttons or bad plumbing. But I feel now I must study the toilet before using it again.

It was a normal Saturday, my daughter and I did some homeschool lessons, I vacuumed the downstairs, removed a teenie spec of glass from my daughter's foot that she stepped on from a wine glass that broke a few weeks earlier, and we were about to make some lemon bars.  I started a load of laundry and we were standing at the counter in the kitchen setting out ingredients for the lemon bars when we heard it.

It sounded like a waterfall, since we don't have one we looked at each other and ran in the direction of the splash. What we saw disgusted me to end and set in complete panic.  Poop water pouring all over the bathroom floor! I rushed in and turned off the water knob behind the toilet.  This meant my face was very close to the poop water.

I yelled at my daughter to get as many towels as she could find! By this time I was standing in an inch of poop water and it was creeping out of the bathroom into the bar area and almost reaching our cream colored carpet. Luckily we got the towels down in time, however I was still standing in poop. I emptied maybe four buckets of poop water flowing from the toilet. We turned the washer off, and on again to see if that had anything to do with it.  It did. Poop-nami regained strength again.

I was disgusted. I was standing in my family's poop. I used every single towel in the house to soak it up. I took every poop soaked towel out back to the patio. I cleaned that floor on my hands and knees three times with disinfectant. I used three rolls of paper towels.  When it was clean, I took a shower.

The hottest shower I've ever taken. It was like a scene from Silkwood....scrubbing, crying, crying, scrubbing.

I texted my husband, who was at work, to let him know what had happened. When he got home from work that evening, I asked him if he got my text. He said, "Uh huh."  I started to explain the disgusting poonado that occurred and in the middle of it, he pulls something from a bag and starts showing me the new shirt he bought himself.  I don't think he realized the horrors of Poo-nami. I don't think he grasped the disgustingness I went through. So, I had to remove myself and go outside and cry.

I'm a tough lady. I've been through a lot. But apparently, poop broke me.

The next day I put on some gloves and bagged up all the poop towels and threw them in the trunk. I went to the grocery store and purchased two gallons of vinegar, detergent and fabric softener and headed to the laundromat. I washed them all twice with vinegar and detergent and softener and dryer sheets on the hottest setting known to man.

Hours later I returned home with clean towels.  Oh, I also should add that while I was hanging on to the toilet paper holder (because the toilet was covered with poo water) for dear life after I almost fell into the poop-nami flood, the holder came loose from the wall.  In the process I wrenched the hell out of my back, which is never at par to begin with.

My husband's response, "That's not good" I replied, "Please don't tell me you're talking about the holder."  He says, "Yeah, it's not good that it's come off the wall."

Yes, I'm fine. The fact that I stopped myself from falling in shit water and possibly saved myself from a cracked skull on a filthy toilet.....the toilet paper holder is important.

So, today I await the plumber like he's Santa Clause. I want it all fixed and I want to run my washer and dishwasher again and then learn to not be afraid of this toilet.

**Update - I'd like to add that not only has the PooNami never again had something to do with the plumbing between the washer and the toilet.
                  And I fixed the hole in the wall where I pulled the toilet  paper holder out.  Me. I patched and painted the holes in the wall and installed a new toilet paper holder on the back of the door of the bathroom so it's right there when you close the door.

                  Me. I fixed it.

                  I'd also like to add that if it were my husband who went through this entire ordeal, we would be hearing about the horrors until it was the year 3000 like an old war vet telling the tales of war and death and starvation.

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