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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Next week will make the 6 month mark since my brother took his life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him...anger, sadness, regret, guilt...everything, everyday. There's always something that pops up each day that make me think of him. Seeing my daughter's guitar this weekend did it. Hearing a song yesterday did it. I just now, for no reason, I heard his laugh in my head.

Because I decided to be honest about the way he left this realm, I've lost contact with my niece and 'sister' (as I always thought of her). I was lied to, as were a lot of people, which led me to get the police report in order to find out the truth. It was detailed, cold and clinical and I wished I could un-see the details....but it was the truth I was after....and I got it. Lying does nothing but serve a purpose for yourself.

Gio, I miss you. I've missed you before you were gone. I read our last emails with each other a lot and am so grateful, while it was regarding our Popo's declining health and subsequent death, that we were on positive terms.

He has no legacy, really, to speak of. So many great things that he could have done but never stayed clean long enough to see them through. But, his daughter is the best thing he ever made. While he wasn't always there for her, he did a good thing in her. And I dare anyone tell me she's not his spitting image.


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