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Monday, November 23, 2015

Proud

I'm proud of my children for so many reasons. Both of them. But recently, I'm proud of my youngest for her maturity.

It's been years that her father chose to severe ties with her over the most ridiculous reason. While I tried to get him to reach out and was met with utter ridiculousness, there came a point that I stopped. But, even through my child's hurt, I always told her that he loved her. Even while she stuttered through tears that I was wrong, I repeated he loved her. I let her allow herself to be angry and sad and tried to help her deal with it all. She's left with physical and emotional scars. All of this hurt my heart.

It's also been years since she's seen my mother. She was about 12 years old. I was protecting my children from her dysfunction. She allowed that tie to be severed. Both my girls have known when they were 18, they could seek out a relationship with her. I never stood in the way of that, as my oldest has just that.  My youngest has chosen to not rekindle anything with her. What she does miss is her cousins.

So, this Christmas she's decided to visit her father and grandparents with her sister. I'm in complete support. She wants to see her cousins, and I never stood in the way of that.  I know my mom will certainly make this into something about her, but it's not. It's her cousins she wants to see. It's her Popo she wants to see. Unfortunately, I can't take my mother out of the equation no matter how much I hope.

She wants to see her dad and hopefully start to mend. While I have my own way that I think that should go.....something like with him on his knees begging for her forgiveness.....this is her thing and I'm happy to just support her.

I'm stunned at her maturity. She is the one who has chosen to see her father. It is her that sat down with me over a month ago and asked for my guidance and input.

All along, it should have been her father who should have made this step. Years ago. The child has surpassed the adult in this situation. And while she isn't going to forget any of the hurt, she isn't going to haul it all out into the front yard either.

While I know this way is so much easier on her father and how he would want it to go because that leaves him free from making any step on his own or owning up to anything or making himself accountable.....my daughter needs this. A girl needs her dad. She needed him years ago.

I hope he does take accountability. He failed her. I hope, really hope, he acknowledges that. She deserves to not feel like any of this is her fault.

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